Sonntag, 22. Juli 2018
H.
Nach all der Zeit, in der ich mich gefragt habe, warum du mich doch nicht wieder sehen willst, obwohl ich dachte du magst mich, hab ich dich gestern wieder gesehen - und ich glaube immer noch/ wieder du magst mich - das hast du mir auch mehrmals gesagt. Du warst von der Arbeit aus viel unterwegs in anderen Städten- eigentlich war es auch gar nicht so lange, dass ich nicht besonders viel von dir gehört habe, aber es kam mir verdammt lange her vor. (...)

Ich weiß nicht was das mit uns ist, irgendwie stimmt die Chemie und wir können super Gespräche führen, aber dann weiß ich manchmal wieder gar nicht was in deinem Kopf vorgeht.
Erst fand ich dich super toll, dann hab ich mit dir abgeschlossen, weil ich dachte, du willst mich nicht wiedersehen...dann war ich einfach nur verwirrt und jetzt..jetzt ja, keine Ahnung was das mit uns ist. Ich mag dich mehr als eine Freundschaft plus, aber was ernstes anzufangen wäre jetzt einfach nur dumm und das wissen wir beide... und ich weiß auch nicht, ob das 100 prozentig passen würde... ich weiß nicht was das ist.
Du kannst mir nicht einfach tausend Mal sagen, wie schön ich bin und, dass du mich magst - sehr magst (wie hast du das gemeint?) und sagen, dass du nicht willst, dass ich wieder nach Deutschland gehe und, dass du mich vermissen wirst und einmal hast du sogar gesagt, du kommst mich dann besuchen, aber ich glaube das war nicht super ernst gemeint - du verwirrst mich, wenn du mich so gerne magst, wieso hast du dich dann so wenig gemeldet, selbst wenn du beschäftigt warst?
Ich dachte gestern, dass es dir bestimmt nur um das eine geht und du dich deswegen wieder meldest - oder, dass dir jemand abgesagt hat und dir langweilig ist - aber ich wollte dich trotzdem wieder sehen, so dumm das jetzt klingt - ich wollte eigentlich beleidigt sein, aber ich wollte dich so gerne wieder sehen - und dann warst du so süß und wir haben erst mal ewig auf deiner Dachterrasse geredet, irgendwann kamen auch noch Freunde von dir (was meine beiden Thesen irgendwie widerlegt) - alle deine Freunde, die ich bisher kennengelernt haben sind super interessante, nette Leute, was irgendwie echt für dich spricht. Und du bist so schlau und ich liebe deine britische, fast schon zu höfliche Art in Kombination mit deinen direkten, teilweise unangebrachten Fragen - aber an dir ist es irgendwie charmant.
Und jetzt liege ich hier in meinem Zimmer, total müde, weil ich bei dir irgendwie nicht gut geschlafen habe, obwohl ich mich eigentlich echt wohl gefühlt habe - deswegen hab ich ein total cooles BBQ, zu dem ich heute eingeladen gewesen wäre, abgesagt. Stattdessen liege ich jetzt hier, habe grade einen Liebesfilm/Komödie geschaut und schreibe von dir und frag mich, was ich eigentlich will...

Vielleicht wäre es besser gewesen, wenn du mich einfach nicht mehr sehen hättest wollen - du verwirrst mich und ich weiß nicht, was ich von dir halten soll, weil manchmal machst du auch Sachen, die gar keinen Sinn machen oder sagst nichts, wenn ich gerne hätte, dass du was sagst... aber du bist so süß.
Ach verdammt... naja, ich schätze ich werd dich dann noch die nächsten 6 Wochen sehen und nicht so genau wissen, was das eigentlich ist oder was ich will, dass es ist und dann heißt es Tschüss England und Tschüss du.



...bereits 6 x gelesen
Montag, 16. Juli 2018
guy 3.0
Met him today. He started talking to me, he was kind of cute.
Got his number... Should I text him?
I don't know what it is, but I really enjoy flirting right now...
I do flirt and date a lot in London.
I felt bad about it for a moment - like am I to easy?
But you know what- just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm a slut. If a guy would do this it would be perfectly fine.
I do not hook up with everyone who askes me out - I don't even react to everyone..
But the cute and fun ones, why not?
I enjoy it, they enjoy it, noone gets hurt.
I can't start anything serious now anyways.
So this is my way of apprechiating I'm a young single woman in London right now
- and a bit of a protest of our society still telling women they should be ashamed of sex abd stuff like that
You know what? I fucking enjoy it:)



...bereits 16 x gelesen
evolution of u and me
You started talking to me, you bought me drinks, we had a fun night, we kissed, I left
You texted me, you were asking me out, I didn't want to meet you because I thought you were one of these guys(...)
You kept texting me, I ignored you
You still kept texting me, I eventually anseered you again as I was bored at the airport and we texted the whole time while I was in Germany
That way I found out you are actually nice
When I was back you were asking me out again, I said yes
We met and it was really messy and I changed my mind about how I'm feeling about you a few times.
I was convinced we wouldn't have sex on our first actual date
However, we had sex.
You really seemed to fancy me, you asked me to stay over but I said no.
I definitly could see you're really smart which I like and you're nice, but I wasn't super excited about us yet.
That day we decided to meet again two days later so we did.
That was the most amazing day- we had such a good time and talked alot and you were so cute. This time I said yes when you asked me to stay over.
We cuddeled all night and I started to like you.
I didn't want to leave in the morning but I had to because I was meeting a friend midday.
Right before I left you said we should meet again next week and you might cook for me.
You texted me the same day that you bought a fan because it was so bloody hot when I stayed the night.
I was really excited and I started liking you.
I waited for you to text and ask if we should meet again, but you didn't.
So I texted you - you replied really nicely but then you just didn't reply anymore to my question- and you also didn't ask me out.
Same storry a few days later.
First I thought it might be because of your new project at work, but then I wasn't sure anymore.
You confused me, you made me mad - and yes, you hurt me a bit.
At some point I decided to text you one last time and if you wouldn't ask me out or at least answer my questions I'd just give up.
Well...it was the same as before, at some point you just didn't answer anymore.
So I told myself: It's not worth it...you hardly even know that boy and you're leaving thr UK soon anyways...
I didn't understand it, it just wouldn't make sense for me, because it really seemed like you liked me- and why would you have to pretend?
But well..that's the way it was and I actually acepted that you're not interested and after a few days I didn't even think about you anymore.
Well...a few days after I almost stopped thinking about you - you texted me - and you were finally asking me out again.
You said you'd love to see me again. That was two weeks after we had that amazing day together..but it felt way longer.
I just wonder- were you really that busy at work?
You were asking me out for the very next day, but 1st I had plans already I was looking forward the whole week already (going to the seaside) and
2nd even if I would have had time- I don't know if I would have said yes straight away...especially for the very next day, for a saturday when he aparently was too busy to text me even for so long
Now the situation is the following: I won't see him for another 2 weeks because he will be away for 2 weeks for work. But he asked me out for the Thursday he'll be back already.
I wa asking where he's going to for work and then he didn't reply again... I imedetly thought: Fuck you! Why is it so hard to answer?
But then I thought... Well maybe he's not really into texting and at least he asked me out and he did that in a sweet way.
But I don't know... I don't feel THAT crazy about him anymore but maybe because I haven't seen him in a bit and I thought I would have to forget him.
My friend said I should just enjoy the time and some people are weird via Whatsapp ( she used my best friend as an example and actually she's right...sometimes when I text with my best friend it seems like she hates me but she just hates whatsapp conversations in general)
But still: It's stupid to fall in love now. In london.
And when I'll see him again, it will be a month from when we last met - and it will be only another month till I leave
And apart from that: Is he always that busy - or was he even that busy (eventhought he said so)? Wouldn't he still answer me eventhough he doesn't like texting/ is busy if he really liked me?
What does he think about me leaving so soon?

I really don't know what to think about this whole thing.
I'm also still not sure if it was the right decission to stop the thing with my fuckbuddy - I met him twice since then and he looked really hot both times..and he's such a nice and funny guy and we had a great time.

Well... Enough about the boys. My weekend was just great... Just things I love: The sea, amazing weather, art, great people...



...bereits 8 x gelesen
Freitag, 13. Juli 2018
why would you
Warum solltest du mich wieder anschreiben, nachdem du mir die letzten 2 Wochen so wenig geschrieben hast, dass ich mir sicher war du hast kein Interesse mehr und ich jetzt schon mit dir abgeschlossen habe...nur, um mir dann wieder nicht mehr zu antworten - du hast es erst vor 5 Minuten gelesen, aber ich hab so das Gefühl du wirst wieder nicht mehr antworten. Ich versteh's nicht...was soll das bringen? Ich fand dich zwar toll, aber so toll auch wieder nicht... Wer nicht will, der hat schon...oder so.

edit: er hat noch geantwortet..hat gefragt, ob wir morgen was machen..hab morgen aber schon was vor...



...bereits 30 x gelesen