Freitag, 14. Mai 2021
good stuff
I'm in heaven... I don't know about anything else between us..but the sex is just heaven...
It's weird, but I have to talk about it all the time...
But I can't describe it...it's like a whole journey on itsown... it's incredible... I just can't get enough...
The whole dynamic is just so so good... his body is so hot...he's so strong...I love it when he grabs me... in one secound he's so rough and dominant, in the other he's so gentle and sweet... it's amazing- I love the mix of it... his face is so handsome...the way he looks at me... he make me crazy... I could be in bed with him all day... I don't want to think about anything other than just our bodies....
He just left this morning...but I kind of wish he'd be here again... he's like my new drug.

--- other good thing: We might have a celebration from my old uni for everyone that graduated last year... they made a really cool concept that's outside... maybe going back to the city where I studied and seeing my friends again gives me live right now....Sometimes I miss these times so bad.... everything was just so easy and chill and spontanious in that time...I had the most lovely people in my life... life was just fun...
Could be almost a year since I have last been there... I'm so looking forward that!



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Donnerstag, 13. Mai 2021
and one more...
upsi...maybe I did something stupid...but maybe also really good the same time
I'm so confused...

Fuck.

As I wrote last time...I'm not sure what to think about K. who I am kind of dating at he moment... I got kind of frustrated because it felt like what I had with him wasn't enough for what I wanted right now... and I didn't know how I feel about him etc.
Well, then I thought...we never said anything about being exclusive or so... so I went back on the dating apps... I probably just wanted it to be kind of a bit of harmless swiping...and texting... just to distract from my frustration and confusion with K.
then I matched with this really cute guy...omg he is SO SO hot! - I thought he's probably a fuckboy because he is so good looking and has a lot of muscles and stuff...but his profile said he's looking for realationship and texting him was really nice...and then he asked me if he could invite me for a coffe...and I thought...yeah sure why not...it's a first date...nothing's gonna happen...
well...yesterday was our first date and it happend a lot... we were walking around, sitting in the park and talking for 2 hours...then it started to rain and we went to his becaue we didn't want the date to be over and because of corona we couldn't really go anywhere inside...
so we were at his... and let me tell you... it was an adventure... we had Sex for hours...I'm not even exaggerating.. (there were breaks inbetween of course).... it was really crazy and really good. I felt like I was in another universe at some point...it was really rough, but also gentle and sweet...it was crazy and dynamic and... oh my god his body... I could look at it all day long - I am really not visually attracted to mens bodys that often, but him....OMG! I am so so lucky.
And he was so sweet...he also made clear again that he didn't want to meet just for sex and that that wasn't his intention to meet me for sex...-(well even if it was just for sex... it would have been totally worth it haha) -he also said it was the best sex he had in a long time... same for me... I don't know what happend there, but somehow it really is a match - sexually at least.
We also talked a lot and he sent me cute texts after I went home and today in the morning... he said he wants to see me again and made plans about stuff we can do together...

I don't know... it was really good... I am kind of in the mood of asking him if we can see each other again today- I know he'd say yes. But maybe it's good to make up my mind first.. It's really confusing...what am I supposed to do with K.now?
I mean I didn't cheat or anything, but C. (the guy from yesterday) really want to date me I think - not just for sex... and what ever it is with K.- it is more than sex as well, though I don't know how much more...and my feelings for him kind of went away like I said... I don't know, I kind of feel like it's wrong to date both... but on the other hand I've seen C. only once - so what if it was just that good that one time? And should I quit the thing with K. anyways? ... It doesn't feel that easy and fun anymore for some reason... I don't know..let's see... I'll definitly see C. tomorrow again.... I'm so looking forward it!



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Montag, 10. Mai 2021
Guys...
I wrote quite a long text about guy a few days ago already... then I deleted it because I thought it was stupid.

Long storry short: I'm first love texted me after the last time we saw or heard from each other was in 2017. We texted a bit and he told me he lives very close to where I live now - I got kind of excited because I would have loved to see him again. He said he can't because he has a girlfriend now ...which I thought was a really stupid reason and it kind of felt like he'd imply that I'd take him back anytime...but don't know...maybe his girlfriend really is really jealous... don't know... kind of a pitty but it's alright.

my other ex that I just broke up with this year texted me as well..once again... we even talked on the phone... then it felt like he'd think we'd talk every day now... I realized he's not good for me (once again) - I told him I don't wanna be friends with him after all that happend...haven't heard from him since then- which is good.

The guy I'm dating right now... I don't know what to think... Sometimes it annoys me that he is so rational...sometimes it's not exciting enough for me anymore... I don't know. And I literally can't tell at all if he likes me or if he just wants to have fun...and also I don't know what I'd rather want him to want and to feel..
I got kind of frustrated and got on online dating again... I keep dating him but now I'm also texting with other guys... I don't even know what I'm doing... I don't even know what I want...

I don't know why my life is so much about guys right now... Iwanted to say: maybe I'm just bored because of covid..but actually I'm not... I'm kind of stressed because of uni and in my freetime I'm actually having a lot of fun with my friends (mostly the same 3 people, who are already vaccinated too) and my flatmates.
So I don't know why I want love so bad right now... Why I want a guy so bad right now.... I've always been such a good single...I loved being independant...
And since I stopped taking my birth control pills I could have sex all day...it's really crazy - if it wasn't in the covid-times....I'd probably just love going partying a lot and meeting a lot of guys and just being free... Weird to say maybe, but I'd kind of love to be a slut right now lol at least a part of me...another part want a full on serious head over heals being in love realtionship right now...but well... I can't have any of these at the moment I guess..



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